Untitled

Despair, dejected, beyond repair……. hopeless

The gradual installation of these words becomes imprinted on my soul. Words that describe the essence of how this journey through life has defined how I see my existence. 

Forsaken, outcasted, isolated……. alone 

The stillness and quiet within holds me captive to the haunting that swirl inside of me like the brewing of a storm ready to wreak havoc and destruction to everything in its path. The knowledge of the darkness of who I am lurking on the inside willing to escape outside of me, letting those who know me really see me for the wretched person that I have become. 

Terrified

I am barely holding on, gasping for air, I breathe out whispered words for rescue, for help, an SOS. I want to hide and avoid the stares.  Desperate, I cry out to the only One I know that can deliver me from myself and from the judgment of others.  One that knows all and pursues me anyways. 

Quietness

Unexpectedly, a stillness rushes in. I am standing before a mirror looking at the one that I have hated for so long. Trying to look away I can’t because I am fixated on the little disheveled girl that stands before me, crying, seeking from me solace and acceptance. My heart shatters, knowing I have abandoned the innocence of this child. 

Broken

I give way to the realization that the little girl will never find the healing she tightly grasps onto if she does not learn to allow the One to seep into the depths of who she is. That her future self will remain trapped within for forever if she does not give way to the Pursuer. 

Rescue

I dare to reach out to the hands of those designed by the One to pull me from the black hole that I am trapped in. Those with soothing words that help to mend the brokenness within. Those whose Light shines brighter than the darkness I carry. They hold on with a grip so fierce because they know my life depends on it. 

Hope

Pulled from the mire, I stand in a Light so bright I cannot escape from it. The Light shines on all the darkened areas revealing the scars that have caused the despair that I have held on to. I know now that the One is faithful to the promise He has given. 

Healing

The mending of my soul is an ongoing experience. Days of darkness creep in but there is the promise of the Light from the One that holds me with a tender loving touch. The One will not falter. The One is true. When the darkness begins to haunt me I will look for the One who is the Light.